Monday, June 03, 2013

Bill and John - seven decades of love.

Free to Be Together

This video makes me smile at the beautiful life these two men created together and makes me a little sad because the decades long relationship I dreamed I would have someday has eluded me.

When I was barely 21, I met two men from Long Beach at a party who had been together for 45 years. Wow! Two men in a partnership for 45 years, that was mind blowing. I had recently moved from Metro Detroit to Los Angeles and was busy expanding my ideas about what it meant to be a gay man. Until that point, a year or two with a partner was doing pretty well from what I had experienced. In a moment, I decided that I was going to find a husband, settler down and someday he and I would celebrate our golden anniversary. That was in 1977 and my longest formal relationship has been about 5 years. Oh, I have had two on again off again relationships that went past 10 years but that was not my hope and dream.

There was little in the community of gay men I was a fringe part of at that time to support long term relationships. I had no pattern for relationship success to draw upon in my family or circle of friends. The world I knew seemed focused on "where's the party" or "dang, you are you doing tonight?"

In retrospect, I tended to pick men who were struggling with their sexuality, who were "straight by day" and liked to play late at night. I also tended to be drawn to punk, hard ass, party animal guys who wanted to get high or drunk and have some fun. Okay on a Friday night however not someone with whom I could build a life.

At one point I had a several year live in relationship with a guy who had been my best friend for many years. We loved each other very much and still do as friends. There just wasn't much sexual energy between us and I am a Scorpio with a high intensity drive.

As Marriage Equality becomes a reality in more states of the US and other countries I am filled with a renewed sense of hope for my LGBT and curious sisters and brothers and for myself.

Happy pride month!