Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Lesson 1 continues - The voice -vs- The Voice.

(This post is in relation to Lesson 1 in the book, A Course in Weight Loss by Marianne Williamson. This is a journey that I am traveling personally and facilitating a group of people through at Renaissance Unity.)

From the emails I have received, conversations shared and posts in our group area, I am not the only one who is having a tough time getting started on or processing through this list of 25+ words. 

There are two voices in my mind. The voice of my ego: shrill, judgmental, fearful, absolutely committed to keeping things, me stuck exactly where I have been for so long. The other Voice, the Voice for God: the voice of Love, calling to me to rise up and into a higher possibility, calling me to face the fears and move through them, reminding me that we are all connected and that I am not alone, reminding me that I do not have to rely on myself alone.

Just reading the list slowly, as MW suggests, triggers my monkey mind  to go in several directions at once. One direction is something like, "Oh really Ric, what do you know about changing your image in relation to weight, have you looked in the mirror lately?"  Another direction my ego takes is, "If you are really openly honest about all of these things, they (the congregation/you)  will know how weak, messed up, incompetent, nuts you really are!"  Looking at the ways I have shamed myself, judged both myself and others, dealt with injustice, been unjust, been fearful -  oh there is the trigger word for today, fear.

Fear of  letting myself down, fear of failing the congregation, fear of failing, fear of not being able to follow through. Fear of being a fool. Fear of allowing myself to be vulnerable & transparent and being ridiculed. No, that isn't the big one. Fear of having shared publicly in a sermon,  in the class,  through this blog and my conversations and then failing to make the changes personally.

I realize I am at choice, I can continue living the way I have been which is slowly killing me by limiting my physical activities and isolating me, even in a crowd of people. Crying tears in silence, rather like the tears of the clown. Or I can dare to follow The Voice for love & life and my highest and best - calling me to change and be the man I was created to be - and encourage others to live their best lives too.

So I press on, a word at a time, a painful memory at a time, a thought at a time. It's just a thought. I can hear Katie say, "a thought has no bearing on reality". If the thought is bringing me stress, I question it until it lets go of me, releases my mind. Each thought is bringing me useful information that I can take to inquiry. 

I am grateful for "A Course in Weight Loss"  that I am certain Marianne Williamson wrote for me. And I am grateful too  that I have The Work to process the list of stressful thoughts  my ego would use to keep me stuck. I find it interesting that earlier this year I attended The School for The Work. Then again, is it interesting or Divine Order? I find the universe is very friendly and supportive when I notice. More importantly, I am grateful for those sweet souls who are traveling this path with me.

Yes I can do this work and transform my life! And you can too because together, we create an incredible field of potentiality.

Only Love,



Susie Voldeck said...

You are beautiful because you are so real Ric. You are forgiving because you have had the need to be forgiven. Only because of your honesty can you lead us into a better place. Thanks for sharing the struggle.

April M. said...

I truly admire you!!! I have that "monkey mind" going on too, But after reading your blog and rereading your blog I know that I just have to fight through the fear and keep pushing!! Thank you for being you and for sharing your fears with us!! Can't wait til the next meeting....

Live. Laugh. Love

Anonymous said...


Thank you for being so honest and open. I too am reading the book and surprised by how much it is effecting me. I will be 50 this year and its time to drop the burdens of judgement and feeling like I have to do it all. LIfe is a party and sometimes all you have to do is show up (you don't need to bring anything but yourself).
Big hug to you -MM

merri busch said...

No fighting, no working hard at it, no white knuckling. I am just relaxing into it. My self esteem is in good shape and I know I am a perfect human being. The Lesson I homework is like me plowing the fields of my heart, unearthing new rocks. The more I plow, the more rocks shift up and the more I release and let go, the more arable land there is for the fruits of the Spirit. That is who I am Being.

Diana M. said...

I find it interesting to note that even after 18 years in recovery, my sick mind tells me not to share my ugly warts with my group as they might not think I have my s--t together. Can't have my mentees thinking I don't know how to work the steps. Thank you for being so honest and transparent with your process. Good to know I don't have the only crazy thoughts still running.