Sunday, January 02, 2011

The Connection Between Food Stains & A Wall of Bricks

One hundred thirty-five people showed up for the first class in the series focused on Marianne Williamson's book A Course in Weight Loss this afternoon. So many people holding an intention together has created a powerful field of resonance. I am so grateful to have such a band of travelers on this journey. Many dear friends that I know well and another group of people that I don't know so well yet. 

My approach to teaching this is very different that anything I have done in the past. It isn't like I have mastered this material already and am now sharing what I know.  This class is live and alive.  The strategy  I have been guided to follow is to share my own journey as honestly and self revealing as I can. We are going to travel this journey of discovery and healing, together. 

The assignment for our next meeting on January 23 is to read and journal the items in Lesson 1, Tear Down the Wall. The idea behind the lesson is that we have  built a wall of bricks between ourselves and other people/life in order to protect ourselves.

The first "brick" in the wall is shame. So many images flood my mind, so much shame in me about my body, food, eating, clothing, etc. 

On New Year's Eve, two of my dearest friends and I decided to check out the "scene" in Royal Oak after we finished our annual Burning Bowl service. Royal Oak was host to a free concert and ball drop and it had been years since any of us had done anything on New Year's Eve.

We began our evening with dinner. After a wait for a table (we did not have reservations) , we were seated in a booth.  I normally do not sit at booths in restaurants because I cannot sit forward at my current size. Most people do not realize that they sit forward as they eat to keep the fork and food over their plate. If something drops from fork or mouth, it ends up back on the plate. 

When I sit in a booth that is fairly narrow, I often find that I am reclining slightly,  away from the table. If any food falls from my fork or a drip of soup or whatever, it ends up on my shirt. I knew that a couple of items had fallen as we had eaten our meal but when I went to the mens room and had a look at myself in the mirror, I was mortified. Several small stains were plainly visible along with the mother of all gravy stains, clearly visible. My attempt to clean myself up just left a larger, more visible smear.

I hurriedly got back to my friends and let them know that I was tired and going home. I was too ashamed to share that I was going home because I had stains all over the front of my shirt. I  know that my friends love me unconditionally and would not judge me and still the shame was so great, I could barely stand. Carefully, I moved through the crowd to the relative safety/isolation of my car and then home. 

This is just one shameful incident and shame is only one brick in a wall that is high and thick and so very effective at keeping others/love away.

Dear God,
Help me notice the feelings and thoughts that have formed into bricks.
Help me release them to You so that I might be whole.
I want to love and be loved.
Help me let Love into my life and heart.
May we all experience the transformational power of Love on this journey of discovery.
Give us all the courage to open our hearts to each other and to You.
Shine a light into this darkness that causes it to vanish forevermore.
Thank You God!

On the journey,


Cindy Perri said...

"I see you" through your bricks. Great post. Your journey, shared openly, invites others to their own journey and openness. Way to teach as the Master Teacher taught; by demonstration.

Fuzzy said...

Thank you my dear friend for sharing who you are throughout your entire journey. I am proud to have the opportunity to cross paths with you as often as possible. Fuzzy

Suzy Manning said...

Thanks for sharing so openly and honestly. Your powerful blog broke my heart open to issues/names I had left off my shame brick. I walk this path in love with you and all the others as we embrace our magnificence.

Lana said...

I am one of the 135 people and I am one that you do not know. Your blog from today made be ashamed. I was ashamed because I do not believe I can be as honest as you. I want to because I know that this journey I am on with all you wonderful people is a journey of healing and releasing my long kept and buried fear. I pray that with all of your support I will lose my shame, I will heal myself and I will no longer be afraid. Thank you and I pray for continued support and as always I believe I am a child of God.

Unknown said...

bHi All:

The King's Speech is a good movie that explores fear and shame and its recovery eloquently.

James Magnuson