Everything is changing ...

Hold on - everything is changing!

Change has been the consistent and persistent message from Spirit since last June 3 and the heart attack that seemed to launch me into so many new directions.

It is Monday morning of the last full week of my current employment. Emotionally, this is an interesting and challenging time. I am occasionally wistful about the people I will miss and the future activities I will not be part of. A couple of days ago, I picked up a document that I had printed and noticed that someone had printed a copy of the birthday list that we use to remember everyone’s birthday. I glanced at November and noticed that my name and date had been removed. Oh my! This was an unexpected sharp jab in the emotional solar plexus. Now, intellectually I realize that I am leaving and that I will not be part of the staff as by next birthday rolls around--but this is one of those times when intellect and emotion provide differing experiences of the same event.

Still, I feel the deep-in-the-guts nudge that I know to be Spirit, urging me forward. This is the same inward push that led me to give notice at the beginning of December that I was going to leave my job at the end of January. Mind you, I am doing this without having a job lined up. Wow…

Yet, when I find myself falling into fear-based patterns of wondering, “Okay Ric, what the heck have you done now?” something pops-up to remind me of the larger picture that God seems to be painting.

Last Friday evening, I officiated the funeral of a 40-year-old man who apparently had a heart attack as a result of drug use. I was immediately impressed by how easily that could have been me 16 years ago. How many times I had taken that big hit on a pipe and fell the pounding of my heart in my chest and wondered if I would make it … Thank You God I have made it thus far!

I receive a sense of satisfaction and purpose when I officiate at a funeral. Not that I enjoy that a family has had a loss. However, assisting families at this time uses some gifts that I have been given and is extremely rewarding.

As I talked with this man’s family, I could feel his presence close to me. I sensed the pain and turmoil of a man who had never quite fit in with the world around him. He was a biracial gay man in a primarily conservative white, straight family and he never seemed to get “over the hump” of owning and being proud of who and what he was.

Once again, I realize that part of my divine assignment is to minister to those who have bought the lie that they are outside of the family of Love!


Dear God,

Thank You for the reminders that there is much “work” for me to do.
I have no idea how this day or the next week will unfold.
I do not know how I will earn a living after the next paycheck.
I am clear that it is not particularly my business to know so I am placing myself in Your hands and care.
It is my intention to trust that you are in each moment and to focus on Your presence alone.
Fill me with strength and the sense to do as I am guided.
Where do You want me to go today?
Amen.

© Richard L. Beattie 01/24/2005