Focus in the midst of the storm.

 

It is cold and gray outside--a typical mid-winter Michigan morning. Soon, I will to go into the church where I have been employed for the past three and a half years as Executive Administrator and continue working on the wrap-up and hand off of my duties project as I come to the end of my employment. It is interesting to me that even though I am voluntarily leaving in response to what I perceive to be a "calling" from God, my gut is churning and my mind is in a bit of a spin the past couple of days. I gave notice to my employer at the beginning of December because I believe that Spirit is nudging/urging me in a different direction. I am leaving my current job without having a specific job lined up at a time when managing personal cash flow has been an ongoing challenge. Today, I have been a little in the fearful "What the *&^% am I doing?" space, and it feel yucky. It is so not about what am I supposed to do. I know what I am supposed to do and that is stay focused on God in this moment. Literally to let God and let go. I surrender. Either I am "listening" to internal guidance, the Voice for God if you will--or I am hearing voices. Interesting stuff really, especially for me. I have the deepest intuitive sense that not knowing exactly what is next is part of or even the focus of the current process I find myself in. Staying in the moment, listening for guidance and taking action as I am directed. This morning I can hear my dear friend, Rev. Sandy Scott, teaching that we all have an ego or, as she often referred to it, a monkey on our shoulder that is whispering in our ear. The message from this mouth is often something like: "So, who do you think you are that God should have a mission or a plan for you? Who are you kidding?" We all have a version of this whiny, self-doubting loudmouth but we do not have to give it the microphone. We can call upon the spirit of God within us for reinforcement and courage and peace. Dear God, I surrender control of my life to You. In those moments where the muck of self-doubt seems to be pulling me in, hold onto me. I place my trust in and my focus on You alone. I have often heard that to demonstrate is to teach, and I get it God. It is time for me to demonstrate. I am relying on You to guide my day, actions, thoughts, the way I make and spend money, literally my very life. Help me get out of my way and allow Your spirit to pour itself though every cell and moment and thought of my existence. Less of me and more of Thee! So it is. Amen

Copyright (c) 2005 by  Richard L. Beattie - all rights are reserved.