Remembering Erik

My youngest brother, Erik Jon, would have been 35 today. Although he has been gone from us for almost 8 years, I often wonder what might have been for him. So many things were just beginning to happen--he was a few months away from graduating from college when he died in his sleep.
I remember the day I first saw him as a baby and I shall never forget finding him dead in bed at his apartment.

Good reminder to live in the moment!

Churches face exile over gay issues - World - smh.com.au

Churches face exile over gay issues - World - smh.com.au

Dear Jesus,

Thank You for the courage of the US Episcopal and Canadian Anglican churches. It seems that both of these groups are following in your footsteps by bucking the status quo in favor of unconditional love.

Thank you for the courage of the people in Pasadena and for their pastor, The Rev. Susan Russell.

Thank you Lord for being the Higher Authority. May the Anglican Consultative Council awaken and rise up in love and compassion.

Amen

Sri Lanka charges 1 million to charity who is working to help them???

BBC NEWS | South Asia | Oxfam pays $1m tsunami aid duty

Stranger Than Fiction!

I had to read this article twice because I could hardly believe it. The huge British charity, Oxfam recently paid the government of Sri Lanka 1 million dollars in import duty for some all terrain vehicles that Oxfam needed to assist the people of Sri Lanka rebuild after the Tsunami of last year. Supposedly, this duty policy is to encourage local procurement, which is fine under normal circumstances. In another twist, Sri Lanka does not even produce automobiles.

BBC NEWS | Technology | Microsoft censors Chinese blogs

BBC NEWS | Technology | Microsoft censors Chinese blogs

Modern times, ancient tactic.

Historically, governments have attempted to control access to the "press," to the exchange of ideas and information, as a way to control people. The press today includes the Internet, the worldwide blogging craze, Internet radio stations and email systems that can send thousands of messages per hour.

Standing at the foot of a moving mountain of information is the government of China, the most populous nation on the planet, swatting at the avalanche with a broom.

The question is not really about Google or Yahoo or Microsoft, It is a question about fear. Fear of the truth. Fear of change, of things being different than they had been. Fear of losing control and power. We cannot fight fear, for it truly is a no-thing. Fear, like darkness, is dispelled by lighting a lamp. Let us hold the people of China in Light, knowing that Truth will always find a way to shine. Of course, letters to the Chinese and other governments, flexing our economic muscles by "voting" with our purchases and travel are important efforts too. As we continue to shine light on the darkness, it will disappear into the nothingness from which it appeared.

In thinking about repression of freedom and choiuce, in China and elsewhere, I am grateful to be able to write what I want to in this blog. Freedom is precious. Perhaps Microsoft, et. al. must conform to the will of the government of China. But you and I can speak up, hold out and hold on to the truth. As Margaret Mead once said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has."

"H" Day - One Year Later...

Happy Heart Day to Me!

One year ago this morning, I had just let the cat out and laid back down for those 15 minutes of quality "snoozed the alarm" sleep that seem like the best of the entire cycle. Then, an odd and funny feeling in my chest presented itself. Suddenly, I sat straight up in bed as I realized that I knew what was happening. I was pretty sure I was having a heart attack.

I took an aspirin and asked my roommate to drive me to the hospital. Five hours later, Dr. Dickey looked down at me at said, "Well, Ric--you have either just had or are currently having a heart attack."

I said, "What the #$^@ does that mean?"

In a moment I became aware that everything about life had changed. I have said it many times, "Having a heart attack is a highly underrated form of personal transformation."

Thank You God for a year without a cigarette! I am absolutely amazed and mystified.
Thank You for a new consciousness about:

• Life
• Love
• Food
• Surrender
• Exercise
• Priorities
• Work
• Money
• More ...

Thank You for this journey into the heart of It--that we are travel each day!

I love You! And I love me too.

Amen

Been awhile

I haven't felt much like blogging for the last month. Perhaps I am just afraid that I have been too all over the map. Up and down, second guessing myself. Finding my feet on the ground one moment and then wham bam everything upside down.

And yet, isn't that just life? I think so.

I am so glad that the weather has finally warmed. I can walk and talk and be with Love!

Visit my Space

I have created a new MSN space, which includes a blog at
http://spaces.msn.com/members/ricbeattie/

come and visit.

Ric

A Monday Prayer

Hey God,

It's Monday morning and I am lingering at home with You for a few minutes before I plunge into another week. The weekend was very nice. I attended both of my favorite churches and heard two incredible messages. I see the role that they both play for me at this time and there is still a missing piece I think. Could I find a spiritual community that was a blend of the two? Could I help create such a community?

One of the thoughts that has been bobbing around in my mind for the past couple days is about how easy it is to sing praise songs and to worship you, but that is not living by faith. Jesus said to love You with all of my being and to love my neighbor as myself. The words sound sweet to say and to hear. I want to live a faith that is real and meaningful and beyond pretty words. May my actions and attitude, words and thoughts (yes, even my "private" thoughts) be loving and encouraging. Jesus, help me walk with You.

There are so many issues and challenges that seem to demand my time--so much to do. Direct my days and my activities in ways that I understand. Guide my life today and this week. Help me to notice Your presence. Grant me the courage to live in love with everyone. Help me make it real.

Thank You for the journey I am traveling. Thank You for the work that I have to do. Thank You for the abundance You share with me so generously.

I love you God!

Ric


(c) 2005 by Richard L. Beattie

I Miss You Dad

Dear Dad,

I have been thinking about you all day and I still miss you. It has been eleven years and still, I miss you.

I can remember the events of that day so vividly, as if it unfolded in slow-motion. The death of a parent is one of those "milestone" moments in a child's life. At some level, we must realize fairly young that we will probably bury our parents. Until it happens however, it is just an intellectual knowing and it doesn't hurt.

You seem to be getting smarter to me every year. I can still hear your voice at times--especially, your infectious laughter. I miss the time we used to spend at the end of the work day, talking about all the odd interests we shared. History and technology, space and extra terrestrials, politics and taxes. I recall your frequent statement that there was going to be some very cool shit developed in the next 100 years and you wished you could be around to see it.

Well, I wish you were around too! This has been a tough eleven years. So much death and change. I have tried to take care of things. Sometimes, I wish you had been able call you and get a little advice. Seems like at the point in my life when I was willing to really listen and even seek out your council, you were gone.

Happy Birthday Mom

Hey Mom,

It was great to just spend some time with you tonight. And I am glad you like the flowers. The older I get, the more I appreciate you and realize the sacrifices you made to raise us kids.

Happy Birthday Mom!

I love you so very much.

Ric

Celebration of Love

Happy Valentines Day!

Some say this day was created by the greeting card companies and floral industry and maybe that is true. But so what?

I think that being focused on love in a big way for a day is a wonderful thing. Valentines day is not about what you buy for your spouse or lover, it is not about how large a bouquet of flowers you send. This holiday can be about opening our hearts to those we care about and letting them know how we feel.

The bible tells us that God is love. On this St. Valentines day, let us acknowledge the sacred source of love and hold this day holy by keeping it real and honest and close to our hearts.

Dear God,

Thank You for Your love which fills and fuels our lives.
Thank You for love and for the people who love us.
Today, we open our hearts to each other and share what we feel without reservation.
Expand our ability to care deeply for one another and for our selves.
Help us not get hung-up on who or what introduced this holiday but focus instead on the incredible intention to bring more love into being in our world.
Instead of being caught in the frenzy to purchase the best, prettiest and most extravagant gift;
we intend to be open, honest and loving today and always.
Amen


Ric Beattie

copyright (c) 2005 by Richard L. Beattie

Awesome Day

Sweet Jesus,

What a glorious day this has been.
The new client and new possibilities are wonderful. Thank You God!
Thank You for leading me to attend church tonight to hear a terrific message.
Thank You for the consciousness awareness of Your presence.
Intellectually, I know that You are always with me.
But, when I actually notice that awareness, it is so sweet and deliscious.
Hold me close to Your sacred heart.
Sweet dreams of Your love and peace bless my sleep and renew my spirit.
I love You.
Amen

Ric Beattie

02/12/05 - copyright (c) 2005 by Richard L. Beattie

Rising Up

Dawn comes swiftly in a swirl of pink and blue as the rising sun chases the nighttime from the Eastern sky. I, too am rising up. Rising in consciousness and in expectation.

This day has begun to unfurl. I pray that each activity and every circumstance that I encounter today be guided by the Love that has created me. I open my heart and my mind to Your presence. I lift my hands and my voice in prayer and praise to You.

Here I am Lord! Use me for Your purposes. Love Your people through me.

So it is!

Ric Beattie

(c) 2005 by Richard L. Beattie, all rights reserved

Love is my intention and focus

Lord of Love,

My intention is to be focused on You today.
May my heart be guided by the love You fill me with.
May my words be sweet and uplifting.
May my thoughts be generous and kind.
May my speech and my words be gracious and gentle.
Pour Yourself into and through every aspect of my life,
guide the way I work, how I live and what I say.
May all who encounter me receive the attention and respect they deserve.
May my living be as a witness to Your grace and love.
Thank You God!
Amen

Ric Beattie

(c) 2005 by Richard L. Beattie, all rights reserved

Eight Months Ago...

Eight months ago today my entire life changed.

On June 3, 2004, a doctor in an emergency room leaned over me and said, "Ric, you had just had or are currently having a heart attack. "I looked up at him and muttered, "What the &*$% does that mean?"

And then, I let it go. It just didn't seem to matter. It occurred to me that I was not going to get to have a cigarette or go home. And I realized that life had suddenly gotten very real. And I knew that it was time to bring things into balance. I had been flirting with danger and skirting the consequences of many years of poor choices.

I will tell you that having a heart attack is a highly effective form of personal transformation. I quit smoking as well as I discovered that I had high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes--all in a single day. Everything changed. Quick! Fast! And in a hurry!

Thank You God for the changes! Since that most interesting day I have changed what and how I eat, adopted a robust exercise program, learned about coronary artery disease, embraced my
physical being in a whole new way and I am caring for myself with love.

Thank You God for my sacred heart.

Thank You God for this life, which I love.

Thank You God!

So it is.

And so I am.

Ric Beattie

(c) 2005 by Richard L. Beattie, all rights reserved

Called Into Love

I hear You, God.

And for the most part, I always have.
At times, I was not sure what it was I was hearing
or if I were merely mad and listening to my own thoughts.
Hearing You is sometimes like a gnawing in my gut
or a tapping on my feelings.
Hearing You can seem like catching the sound of the wind through trees.

Sometimes, I have intentionally ignored what I heard.
Busying myself with all manner of distractions and fluff.
Now, I focus on the hearing--on being in relationship with You.

You know me and You know my name--the very essence of me.
What shall we do today?
How would You have me show up in the world?
I know that You have called me into love.
Express Yourself in me now.
I love You!
Thank You very much.

(c) Copyright 2005 by Richard L. Beattie, all rights reserved

TYVM

Dear God,

Thank You very much.
This has been a sweet and quiet day.
New month.
New people, places and patterns.
You fill me with a new sense of purpose.
Incredible!
So it is.

Perfect Time

There is a perfect time for everything
and every purpose
and every person.
Now is the perfect time for me.
I move forward with my arms and heart wide open to meet my good.
Thank You God!
Amen

Sunny Sunday

Dear God,

What a day!

Standing at the end of the day, looking back to its beginning, this last Sunday working at Renaissance Unity Church has been oddly unremarkable. I had thought that it would be an emotional and tear-filled day, and that seemed the case during the first service, head greeters & ushers circle. However, that on-the-edge feeling came and went as the day unfolded.

I am aware of a quiet grieving that has crept into my space in the past couple of days. Turning the page on this chapter of my life is at once, satisfying and sad. I gratefully remember the love and fun and regret many things that never got beyond thoughts or plans.

I find myself wondering what next week/month/year look like. And with the awareness of that particular thread of wondering, in a rush, I return to this now moment. It is ALL about staying focused on now.

The message I heard last night at Kensington Church about taking life from good to great has crossed my mind several times today. I am looking forward to hearing the rest of the messages in the series.

What a glorious afternoon, sunny and 33°. After so many frigid days, it was great to get out and walk six miles. I had let far too many days without significant exercise get by me. No more! I am happy to be back on the walking path.

Thank You!

What does it mean to be me, now?

What does it mean to be me, now?

How many times have I asked myself this or similar questions? Who will I be when I grow up? Do I want to grow up?

Having a heart attack is a highly underrated and very effective form of radical life transformation. I had a mild heart attack on June 3, 2004 and nothing will ever be the same. Hallelujah!

In a couple of days, my employment relationship will change as a result of my own decision. After running a manufacturing company for twelve years and Executive Administrator for a large ministry for the past three and a half years, I am venturing out on my own! I have wrestled with this decision for a long time and might be wrestling still but life kept pushing. Finally, I could no longer ignore the pains of pushing. It is time to birth this next phase of living. Birth, as we all know, is not without its messes.

Many people have asked what my plans are. And I say, I am not exactly sure yet. I deliberately move forward into the mystery of my life. My intention is to remain focused on this moment. I have had some guidance that I won’t necessarily be doing any one thing or job. I have also had guidance that God is going to eliminate my indebtedness, for which I am grateful beyond words. I had gotten into debt as the manufacturing company went under and then subsequently owed the IRS a fairly large sum as well. But that is a story for another entry.

I have more than 20 years of experience with computers & networks and more recently with the Internet. I have started to study in order to become a Microsoft Certified Professional (MCSE). This is the direction I am currently being led as far as generating cash flow. Spirit is also nudging me that I will find cash flowing as a result of doing what I am guided to do. So whatever that means. I readily accept the abundance that is pouring into my life now.

And in the midst of all of the rest of this change, I met and began dating someone early in January. He is a very sweet, kind and gentle man. And I am having the opportunity to move through stuff I didn’t realize I had about being relationships.

There are several ideas/concepts that keep cropping up in my reading, musing, wandering, thinking. It feels somehow like these ideas are ingredients in an emerging stew or broth. It feels like my life is morphing into something be very different as I approach fifty.

• Working with, developing and listening to inner guidance, the Voice for God and teaching other people about having a moment-by-moment experience of God. This is about becoming a mystic and there is nothing else that I do that is nearly as important.
• I am a mystic, shaman, teacher, minister and healer. I am he who walks between worlds!
• Loving myself unconditionally - the journey has finally begun.
• Solitude, exploring the center of me, living in my power.
• Bridge building between gay and straight folks. We must learn that we are all the same, we are truly One!
• Writing, workshops and public speaking.
• Healing and wholeness. The past 15 years have been a wild rollercoaster journey that has deposited me in a foreign and exciting place.
• More friends for sharing the journey.
• Gay men’s work - Inner child work – and whatever else arises for my own wholeness and in terms of some of my life work.
• Integration of spirituality & sexuality. I have been feeling like I should focus more of my energies within the queer community. Although I also want to avoid a self-made ghetto. There is interesting work being done by many different groups and people in the areas of reclaiming our spirituality. I am sensing that there is a group or teacher that I will be collaborating with in some way.
• Ministry - what does it mean to minister? Who and where am I called to serve.
• Increased focus on what is real and important – less distraction or investment in things that are distracting.
• A simpler, more focused and sustainable way of being
• Becoming the make equivalent of a crone (after I learn what that is.)
• Physical health/walking/diet!
• Integration/inclusion of my body in my life. Reconnecting with myself physically – I seem to have disassociated myself from the physicality at some point.
• Demonstrating/teaching what I hold to be true
  
  
  Living, moving, loving Spirit of All,
  
  I surrender.
  I do not know how or where You are leading me.
  I am dependent on You and trusting that You are guiding me.
  The ground is no longer clearly visible,
  I feel like I am standing on the edge of something.
  Help me stay centered and focused.
  I know that You provide everything I require to do the work You are calling me to do.
  For too long, I have held myself back. You have been calling to me for many years and I have only listened and responded partially.
  The past is past.
  Now is the time and I have begun already.
  Thank You for the intimacy of our relationship.
  Thank You for expressing Yourself in me and as me.
  I have no idea where we are headed, God.
  Lead the way and I will follow.
  Amen
  
  Copyright © 2005 by Richard L. Beattie – all rights reserved