Autumn is here and my thoughts turn to friends and the gradual shift to an indoor focus.
Soon enough the trees will embark on the change to fall colors and the lawn will stop needing to be cut.
May this fall and the coming winter provide us all with opportunities to reflect and renew. Autumn may appear to be a time of dying however the truth is that it is a time of replanting and preparing for the springtime which will surely follow winter in the perfect time.
This video makes me smile at the beautiful life these two men created together and makes me a little sad because the decades long relationship I dreamed I would have someday has eluded me.
When I was barely 21, I met two men from Long Beach at a party who had been together for 45 years. Wow! Two men in a partnership for 45 years, that was mind blowing. I had recently moved from Metro Detroit to Los Angeles and was busy expanding my ideas about what it meant to be a gay man. Until that point, a year or two with a partner was doing pretty well from what I had experienced. In a moment, I decided that I was going to find a husband, settler down and someday he and I would celebrate our golden anniversary. That was in 1977 and my longest formal relationship has been about 5 years. Oh, I have had two on again off again relationships that went past 10 years but that was not my hope and dream.
There was little in the community of gay men I was a fringe part of at that time to support long term relationships. I had no pattern for relationship success to draw upon in my family or circle of friends. The world I knew seemed focused on "where's the party" or "dang, you are you doing tonight?"
In retrospect, I tended to pick men who were struggling with their sexuality, who were "straight by day" and liked to play late at night. I also tended to be drawn to punk, hard ass, party animal guys who wanted to get high or drunk and have some fun. Okay on a Friday night however not someone with whom I could build a life.
At one point I had a several year live in relationship with a guy who had been my best friend for many years. We loved each other very much and still do as friends. There just wasn't much sexual energy between us and I am a Scorpio with a high intensity drive.
As Marriage Equality becomes a reality in more states of the US and other countries I am filled with a renewed sense of hope for my LGBT and curious sisters and brothers and for myself.
Renaissance Unity, where I serve as a minister, has been hosting the Macomb County Warming Center rotating shelter for the past week. We have provided a hot meal, human connection, a warm/dry/safe place to sleep and breakfast to 50/70 people each night. During a week that has been the coldest of this winter season. Today, we handed off hosting duties to Grace Episcopal, in Mt. Clemens. Our guests have followed the rotation. Shortly after our guests headed out of the shelter, the MCWC trailer rolled out of our driveway loaded with soiled bedding, on its way to the laundry and then on to the next host church.
I am finally awake after an afternoon of napping since I got home from our Sunday service. It feels odd to suddenly "stand down" from Shelter Week related activities. The focus of my life for the past couple of months has been my mom's health, the Services for the Holidays and Shelter Week. Mom is home from hospital, the holidays are now history and we have completed the first of two Shelter Hosting Weeks for this season. It will take me a while to catch up and process this experience, which has been quite different from our first hosting week last March. I spent more time this week being a pastor to our guests this week. Perhaps I was more available to the role of talking to and praying with people who are looking for hope and direction. Looking for a reason to keep going. Some are wondering if they will ever find a job, or be able to quit drinking or stop using heroin or get the medical attention they need. People wondering if they will ever have a place of their own again. I absolutely know it is possible for all of these things and more because I know and have demonstrated in my own life that with God all things are possible. Now for the how to do it piece. the larger challenge of helping people connect with the services and programs that can really help people break out of homelessness and hopelessness. I am so blessed to serve the congregation of Renaissance Unity. Our volunteers allowed Spirit to flow through them into expression as a warm open reception process, fantastic food, a warm place to sleep and fellowship. Check out the pictures I took, of our volunteers in action. My heart is full of gratitude for the amazing staff of our church who work tirelessly behind the scenes to support the ministry and for our Board of Trustees and for Rev. Jim & Rev. Sandy, my colleagues. So much love, support and encouragement. One of our guests asked if I thought our people were judging the guests, looking down on them. He also asked if this was just a "project" for us. I thought about his qiestions and responded, no and no. I shared that we were on a journey of attempting to follow Jesus Christ's command to Love One Another as a way of life. I asked him if he felt judged or looked down upon and he said no and the reason her asked is he had gotten a bit cynical over the past two years but was still looking for a reason for hope. We have another opportunity to host the shelter in 10 weeks. Perhaps I will have more guidance for the tough questions. After my conversation with this particular man, who was bright, articulate and had a manufacturing background similar to my own, I thought about my faith journey and personal mission: To experience and express Christ as fully as I can in every moment of every day. Then I cried.
Grace & Peace, Ric (c) Richard L. Beattie 2013, all rights are reserved.
No line at the Post Office when I took Matt to mail his package.
Getting mom's medications list, and visiting nurse information organized in a binder.
Fresh hot Turkey sandwiches at Costco for lunch
Getting mom some Zyrtec which seemed to help her itching.
Being able to give my sister a break.
Mom's willingness to try eliminating Cymbalta for a while to see if that is the cause of her itching.
Getting home at a decent hour with some time to unwind before bed.
Getting a score of 2.6 million in Zuma Blitz.
The first night of Hanukkah and the ah ha that came as I pondered the miracle of the oil lamp. When our intentions are pure and in alignment with God's will (dedicating the temple) , we offer what we have (a single day's oil) and God makes it more - oil for 8 days.
The smell and feel of clean bed linens and comforter.
An alarm clock I can set by pushing buttons instead of going through all the way around the hours.
Hot running water in the house.
The way water runs completely over me in the shower.
Returning strength and vitality which allowed me to work the all day.
Reconnecting with Debra Kritzman Fielder after so many years. She and her husband Perry, were featured in a St. Vincent de Paul telethon spot which let me know she was back in Michigan. A quick Facebook search discovered that she had recently created an account.
Facebook which connects so so many incredible people.
Watching an interesting documentary on Norse mythology and particularly on Thor. This is Thor's Day - Thursday.
A very cool oblong covered dutch kettle that mom has acquired from someplace that I have used to cook several meals.
Catching the gleam in my sister's entire being as she has remodeled her house room by room. She inspires me in that she keeps on going in spite of bumps is the road.
A very pleasant evening and meal shared with Mom, Mike and Matt.
Today, I am thinking about some of the gifts I received from my Grandma Ledger who was born 102 years ago today in Upper Michigan. Grandma, thanks for:
An incredible inquisitive spirit.
Your unconditional acceptance, you were the first family member beyond mom and dad who knew I was gay.
Teaching me how to make your stuffing.
Salad Dressing Cake with Coffee Frosting
Oatmeal Squares
Your patience at having all of your grand kids over to decorate sugar cookies
Pasties and meat pies
Home made Bismarks
Being curiouser and curiouser
Many Christmas eves spent with you prepping Christmas dinner.
Countless hours spent together in the kitchen.
You once told me you wished more people could see God in everything like I did.
Interesting stories of your growing up in Iron River, actually Stambaugh and the surrounding areas like Beachwood.
Sharing the last few years of your life with me.
Your stubborn, iron will which allowed you to live your own way.
Helping me take care of Grandpa Miller.
Always making me feel special.
Your love of the underdog.
Never holding it against me when I failed you.
Visiting me in Ventura, which meant taking your first plane trip in your 70's
This quiet foggy day stay home, indoors and focus on lavish self care, rest and healing.
The way Rosemary and Thyme make the soup steam smell when I add them.
My home cooked chicken and rice with vegetables soup.
Knowing how to cook.
Friends who call and text to see what they can do for me and are cool with my saying, I just need to rest.
A wonderful Holidays Episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition. Certainly got the tears flowing and for a couple of hours, my sinuses open.
I love that I can experience my emotions in the physical form of tears. The last three weeks have been intense emotionally.
Grateful that a host has been found for the week that had remained unfilled until a couple of days ago. Now we have churches for each of the weeks this shelter season.
The way fabric softener makes clothes feel.
Finally getting some sleep last night.
The credit union I have been a member of for 21 years.
Settling on the idea of Thanks Living for the tag line of these gratitude blogs.
A friend who brought chicken soup to church for me.
A very sweet voice mail message from my sister.
Jim leading the church in sharing a blessing with me for health and healing from the cold I picked up somewhere recently.
Learning the difference between chicken stock (made from bones) and chicken broth (made with meat.)
Making it through the work day and even having a small part in the first of two Super Brain classes. I love to teach!
Having the sense to cancel a social engagement after work yesterday, even though I wanted to attend the concert.
Seeing Gail A. after at least 35 years. Looking forward to a deeper conversation as we can.
Watching the program Aftermath: Population Zero on NatGeo - very though provoking. It was about planet Earth recovering from our pollution after humans disappeared suddenly.
An unanticipated connection to the home care agency-- the intake scheduler attends the church and knew my voice on the telephone.
Not needing to go to the hospital this morning.
Buying toilet paper 36 rolls at a time which helps me avoid running out unexpectedly.
Christmas lights burning brightly at night which seem to transport me to an earlier time when things seemed much simpler.
The way the universe provides simple directions when I notice. Today, I know it is time to do laundry because I have no clean underwear or socks.
The many different kinds of birds that live in the huge pine tree outside my (home) office window. They remind me that all things are in perfect order for they neither spin nor sew yet they have all that is needed.
The lessons of patience that come from waiting. Waiting for test results, doctors to call, prescriptions to be filled, nurses to schedule the appointment.
The time to write or even think about this blog because of waiting ...
Getting paid to do what I love doing and for direct deposit of my check
Finding mom sitting up in a chair, looking rested and overall in better shape than she has been in for several days when I arrived at this hospital this morning.
Flexibility to work from hospital room today in order to talk to doctors. Thanks to ASUS tablet and WIFI.
Chef John sending the almost complete draft of menu for our upcoming shelter week.
Looking up from my blogging and catching mom snoring away. I never thought of snoring as music before, such a sweet sound.
Discovering that this latest episode with mom's health was elated to medication and not renal failure.
Finding my way through the dizzying array of ladies undergarments and buying the briefs that mom wanted. So many unfamiliar choices.
The subtle feeling of relief that mom is really on the mend.
Having some quiet time at home alone this evening.
The anticipation of tonight's special Holiday episode of Extreme Makeover Home Edition.
Daydreaming about how I will spend/share/use the Powerball jackpot.
A dual alarm clock set with thirty minutes between wake-ups. Love the extra snooze after the first wake-up.
The warm bed I sleep in cradled by a comfy memory foam mattress purchased earlier this year.
The quiet hush of the first "sticking-on-the-ground" snowfall of the season painting a new view on my familiar backyard scene.
The almost over whelming love and prayer support for my mom.
The people of St. Louis Catholic Church in Mt. Clemens who are the hosts for the first week of the the 2012-2013 MCWC Rotating Shelter Week Season. (Our first week of being hosts begins on 12/30)
Hot coffee from my kitchen in my cup.
A hot shower.
Clean clothes to wear to work.
A job that I enjoy so much it is seldom like work at all.
